Phillip Thompson

Crime Fiction writer

I don’t want to go on a rampage or anything here (well, maybe a little), but I’ve been shaking my head all day long at the news story that made it into the top 5 “Idiotic Right Wing Lunatic Politician” category.

That be the story describing Indiana state representative and undoubtedly proud Republican Bob Morris’ opening salvo in the latest threat to this great nation’s national security and domestic tranquility: The Girl Scouts.

Sigh. Yes. The leftist guerrilla cookie commandos, the Girl Scouts. Now, you’re probably thinking, well, those cookies are irresistible, like a cardinal sin, and certainly aren’t healthy for you, so maybe Rep. Morris has a point.

You’d be wrong.

Why are the Girl Scouts on the verge of destroying America?

Lesbians. And Communists.


These lesbian communists, now a “tactical arm” of Planned Parenthood (What?? Does this mean that the Girl Scouts are going to start launching Ovary-Seeking Contraceptive Missiles at unsuspecting vaginas?) are subverting “traditional American family values,” Morris says. NOTE to Rep. Morris – what the fuck are “traditional” American values? I guess they are what Rep. Morris wants them to be. In other words, anyone who doesn’t live like he does is not a “traditional American.”

But Morris has the scientific method on his side. “I did a small amount of Web-based research,” he wrote. Translation: “I Googled ‘Girl Scout’ and ‘lesbian,’ and look what I found!” Mmhmmm. Wonder what you come up with if you Google “politician” and “dickhead.”

According to the Hoosier Harbinger of Doom, it’s particularly ominous that, of the 50 role models supposedly promoted by the Girl Scouts, only three have just “a briefly mentioned religious background.” (Emphasis added) Ah, the real root of the problem. I reckon God in the persons of three can’t handle 47 lesbian feminist Communists.

I shouldn’t be surprised – the word “Communist” has seen a revival in the last four  years or so (though grossly misused, and misspelled, by the Tea Party and other haters). How long before this doofus is the GOP front-runner?

Read the story here, and post your hate mail below.

There. I feel better.

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